BE June Challenge Day 21 : Describe your relationship with your parents.

Today’s topic is to describe my relationship with my parents. Unfortunately,  I lost my dad when I was 11 years old. I think it hit me particularly hard because I was always a daddy’s girl at heart. He was a great man who was able to build pretty much anything we asked of him! I have some great childhood memories of flying gliders, castles, and garages that he had made us. He also taught us all about gardening and growing fruit and veg – something I am afraid to say that I never kept up. He was ill for most of my life, but I didn’t really notice. I think it became second nature for him to be in hospital. After he was gone I had to learn to build a relationship with my mum. I don’t think it was the case that I never had a relationship with her, I think I was just closer to my dad, Since he was so ill my mum worked and if it wasn’t my dad caring for me it was my older sister. I still have a really close bond with her today.  I think that my mum and I rub each other up the wrong way. This is mainly because I am fiercely independent and she likes to interfere get involved! We cannot live together, but when we have our distance we get along great. I admire everything that she did in bringing up her four girls and numerous foster kids with no money and little support due to my dad’s health. I look at the relationships that others have with their parents and I am glad that I seemed to have been very lucky! Our family was built on love because we didn’t have much else and I would not have had it any other way!

‘); // ]]>

BE June Challenge Day 19 : How did you feel the moment you became a parent?

967293_10200102836273525_1863138721_oHow did I feel the moment I became a parent? I know that you are supposed to say that there was an instant love and that all of the pain was worth it, but do you know what? All I felt was pain, nausea and crushing fear. I was a teenager, I was a single mother and I had no idea what I was going to do with my own life let alone a baby. I had a hard labour, I had been hospitalized for a week and I spent most of that time crying myself to sleep. Following my son’s birth we had to stay in hospital for another week and I felt like I was going out of my mind. I felt like every eye was on me – judging me. They weren’t, but that was how I felt. I was in pain. I felt sick. I was exhausted.

1072664_10200851059892087_51846604_oDespite all of that I did know that I loved him. He was my little miracle. I’ve mentioned before that he probably saved my life and that is completely true. I was on a self destructive path and my life was going no-where. Parenthood, especially unexpected  parenthood (I was 30 weeks pregnant before I knew) is scary. Suddenly there is another human being depending on you for everything. You are suddenly responsible for not only feeding them and clothing them, but also to teach them everything. How could I suddenly be expected to shows this little guy how to become a grown up when I had no idea myself? Needless to say we got there in the end. I learned as much from my son as he did from me. So while I did feel all of the usual love and excitement, the overriding emotion in that moment was fear. Fear of the unknown, fear of the responsibility, fear of failing him.

‘); // ]]>

BE June Challenge Day 17 :What is the thing you most wish you were great at?

Image

Image By hyena reality

If there was one thing that I really wish that I was great at then it would have to be time management. I have so much that I want to achieve, but I never really seem to have the time to get everything done. I make lists, I prepare schedules, I set alarms on my phone. No matter what I try I can never actually manage to complete a to do list – ever!

My main priority is to get my client work done and in an ideal world I’d handle that before lunch. That would give me the afternoons free to work on my business site, and to get my blogs off the ground. Now that I have completed my degree, I should have plenty of time available to me. However, it seems like I have less time than ever before and I often find myself working well into the early hours of the night without ever having managed to do anything for myself – don’t even talk to me about household chores. Part of the reason for me starting this blog is to get myself more organized. I think that if I can get on track with it then I will be able to improve my time management skills.

In the mean time, anyone have any tips for me?

‘); // ]]>

BE June Challenge Day 8: 5 Passions

We all have passions in life. Some are passionate about work,  some are passionate about family, some are passionate about hobbies. I find it difficult to pin point my passions sometimes. I often think I don’t have that many passions. However, that is why prompts like these are so good. They make you look at your life and exam what it is that makes you tick! So, these are the passions that I have discovered in myself.

  1. My Family

    My family is very important to me. Not just my husband, son and dog, but also my sisters, my mum, my mother-in-law, my friends. I wish I had more time with my family. If I ever won the lottery I would be sure to spend time with all of them instead of working. I will defend them with my life. We fight, we annoy each other, but we love each other.

  2. Writing

    I love to write. I think that it is just a great way to put your thoughts in order. I do a little creative writing and of course I also write for work. However, sometimes I just write stuff down to get it out of my head. People laugh at my lists and schedules. I just think that it helps to keep things straight for me. I have tried apps etc but nothing works like a proper little  paper and pen list!

  3. Reading

    They say that to be a writer you have to read and boy do I! I love to read. I always have. I will literally read absolutely anything. My current favourites are the Lexy Baker Series, Game of Thrones (Song of Ice & Fire), and The Hunger Games Trilogy.

  4. Loom Bands

    Yep, I got suckered into it! I love to loom! It may be the latest kids craze, but I think just as many adults are also into it. I love figuring out new patterns and designs. My current project is a minion!

  5. Baking

    I love to bake. I can do bread, cookies, cakes and puddings. I love to make anything sweet. I’m not great at decorating, but one of these days I will go on a decorating class to hone those skills!

‘); // ]]>

BE June Challenge Day 7 : What Is Your Dream Job and Why?

For most of my adult life I have drifted between ID-10088177jobs, never really settling into a career. When I was getting ready to leave school I had my heart set on being a motor mechanic. However, finding someone to take me seriously as a girl in the 90’s who wanted to work on cars was difficult. No matter how many interviews and aptitude tests I aced, no matter how many practical trials I completed with existing mechanics telling me how good I was I could never seem to catch a break. There was always some kind of excuse, but I knew that it was because I was female. 

So after giving up on that particular dream I was pretty much adrift. I spent a year at college studying Travel & Tourism, but didn’t complete my second year after falling pregnant at 18. After the birth of my son it was a case of working to feed him, not building a career so I floated between bar work, retail work and customer service work. It wasn’t until I lost my job at a local bakery that I started to really think about what I was going to do with the rest of my life.  I remembered that I had always liked reading and writing and so for no other reason than to fill my days I started a degree in Literature (I should graduate any day now). I started writing again and I loved it. I was blogging on my scrapbooking site, and a few friends had hired me to set up their blogs or load their scrapping products into their stores and I started to wonder if there was a business in that. Around the same time I read a novel  by Katie Fforde where the main protagonist was a virtual assistant. That sounded like a good plan. It was time to investigate.

I found a website where I could apply for freelance work, and to my delight my first application was accepted. However, I never received payment for the work which did put me off more than a little. However, I persevered and found other freelancing sites where I could apply for writing work. Within a few months I was earning a decent amount of money and had some regular clients. Fast forward to present day and I have my own business offering web content and social media. I even outsource some of my work to others!

So is this my dream job? No, not really, but it is pretty damn close. I get to write mostly every day. I work from home and I feel like I am using my brain. However, somewhere along the road I started to get a bit of a dream developing in the corner of my mind. I discovered that my dream job was to work on a magazine. I have no idea how to make it happen, but I have it in my sights! For now blogging will need to be sufficient.

 

‘); // ]]>

BE June Challenge Day 6 : 3 Wishes

For today’s post about 3 wishes, I could talk about where I want to be or what I want to happen in my life. However, I am done wishing about that sort of stuff. If I want to be more successful or to weigh less I need to make it happen for myself. So, I am going to be materialistic and make my 3 wishes some items that I wish I had, but can’t afford to buy! If any generous benefactors are out there then you can check out my WishList!

simple.b-dis-png.hc835cec4e7f9f2be73477dd773c0ec49

The first item on my wishlist is the Fit Bit Flex. I want to start really working on my fitness and I love the idea of tracking my activity. I especially love the idea of tracking my sleep as well.

719hcD+UBAL._SL1157_

I have wanted a video camera for ages. Then I saw a pink one and I wanted it even more!

165561_0678d

One of the items I have always wished for is a good DSL camera. I fancy myself as a bit of a photographer.

 

‘); // ]]>

BE June Challenge Day 5: What are the 5 things that make you most happy right now?

I figure that today, the best way to show you the 5 things that make me happiest right now, is to actually show you! So I am going to do a photo post today rather than a proper blog post! Sometimes a picture can say so much more than words!

255622_1970537256394_4380999_n

de662d1ea050056d0d59a596bf55d364My husband makes me happy. We have been through a lot together and I think we came out of it stronger than ever. We have been together for about 12 years and married for 3 years. It is a complete cliche, but I truly believe that he is my soul mate. He is the one special person that I want to annoy for the rest of my life! We are both flawed and we fight like cat and dog, but there is never any question of giving up. We know that we can do it if we stick together.

10151403_10202695649885684_127942063806882234_nMy son Christopher is my heart and my soul. He is now 14 years old and life with him hasn’t always been easy, but it has always been worth it. I look at him sometimes and wonder where my little baby went because all I can see is the man that he is becoming and I could not be prouder. Sure we have tantrums and arguments and times when he is the most selfish person I know, but that is just part of parenting a teenager! When I look at the other parts it makes all of that pale into insignificance. He is kind. He is loyal. He is smart. He is athletic. I love that he cries when we watch sad movies and that he would stand up and fight for someone weaker than him. I never expected to want a child, but I know that he was meant for me. I never expected to love him as much as I do. His smile melts my heart. If I leave just one legacy behind it will be my son!

254039_1970496895385_5124105_n

My family makes me happy. My mum and my 3 older sisters who are pictured here, but also my extended family. They all have something to offer in their own special way. No matter how far we seem to scatter across the country they are always in my heart and on my mind.

10341649_10202950823744871_114413949817509690_n

Why is it that animals can make you feel so good? My boy Rogue will always be my baby. I love his little smiley face. I love his clumsy big paws. I love is chubby little belly. He is a German Shepard-Staffordshire Terrier cross and we have had him since he was just 8 weeks old. He is the only dog I know who loves to be hugged – properly hugged. We are talking arms around each other and squeezing tight. Every morning when the alarm clock goes off he crawls into bed between my husband and I for ‘morning huggles’. Every Saturday he throws his harness at my husband to tell him that it is time to walk in the woods. Every Sunday he whines non-stop until we take him to visit Granny! He nurses us when we are sick and would lay down his life for any one of us. I have loved all of my pets, but Rogue will always have a very special place in my heart. There is no other dog like him.

AI couldn’t have a list of what makes me happy without including my friends. This is Babs, my partner in crime, but there are other friends that should be included. Not just in real life, but also online. I’ve met so many special people online that I would include among my very best friends even although we have never actually met in person! I am actually a very shy person and I don’t find it very easy to make friends. I often come across as a bitch or a snob, but it is only because I hang back and take some time to observe people first before I open up to them. I choose my friends very carefully. I would rather be alone than with a friend I cannot trust. I think the great thing about my friends is that they are like me. We don’t need to talk every single day, we know where each other will be!

‘); // ]]>

BE June Challenge Day 4: A Letter to My 16 Year Old Self

Dear 16 year old me,

You are going to have plenty of time to grow up, stop trying to do it all at once. Instead of focusing so much attention on boys, why not think more about what you want to do with your life, so that you don’t spend your twenties drifting along like an untethered cloud. It really isn’t important what those guys think of you, because honestly? They are not going to respect you. Not ever. When you hit 30 not one of those guys is going to even be a blip on your radar. There are so many better men out there!

If I could spend some time talking to you I would tell you that it is time to deal with that puppy fat now! Don’t let it become what defines you or you will end up sick like me. Don’t give up sports in favour of  hanging out with HIM. He isn’t worth it. Not even a little. Give it a rest with the alcohol, by the time you reach 30 you are going to have some kick ass friends who will drink with you – Espresso Martini’s at Elbow will be worth waiting for, I promise.

ID-10068657Actually, do you know what? Ignore me! Just do it!Do all of it. (Except maybe you should deal with that puppy fat.) Don’t live your life with regrets, because in about 2 years time a little boy is going to come into your life and change it FOREVER.

This isn’t the life I would have chosen for you, but it is the one you probably need. Sometimes it all has to fall apart so that it can be put back together the right way. This is one of those times. He is the one who is going to save you from yourself. This little boy is special and he needs you. It’s not going to be easy, but he will teach you to grow and it is all going to worth it in the end.

Together you are going to find the man that completes your little family and you are going to be unbreakable together. Do your best to love him, even although it will be difficult at times. It will make you stronger.

All my love

Your 30(something) year old self

P.S. Mum isn’t even going to be mad at you, so don’t be afraid to tell her – she will love him too!

This should have been 10 things I would tell my 16 year old self, but it came out like a letter. I’m pretty sure I have 10 things in there!

‘); // ]]>

Be June Challenge Day 3: Describe Your Relationship With Your Spouse

249748_1970536976387_3580270_nI got married to Robert on 21 May 2011, just a few days after my 30th birthday. We have been together for 13.5 years and just celebrated our 3 wedding anniversary.

Our relationship is a good one. We have our ups and our downs like everybody else, but for the most part I think we get on really well. We both have a similar sense of humour and are always making each other laugh. He frustrates me at times because he is a natural worrier, but that’s just part of who he is! We are not what you would call a romantic couple, but neither of us goes in for hearts and flowers! I really couldn’t ask for a better relationship with him.

I am glad that he came into our lives. He is everything we needed in a husband and a daddy, even although I didn’t really know that he was what I was looking for.

255622_1970537256394_4380999_n

He is not my son’s biological father, but he is and always will be his daddy. I love the bond that they have developed even although they gang up on me sometimes (It sucks to be the only girl in the house – even out dog is one of the boys). Christopher and I are very lucky to have found him!

 

‘); // ]]>

Be June Challenge Day 2 : 3 Legitimate Fears

Today, the prompt is to ‘describe 3 legitimate fears you have and explain how they became fears.’ That’s actually a bit of a tough one. Not because I’m not afraid of things, but because I don’t always know why. 

  1. Limbphobia

    I suffer from Limbphobia (a fear of losing a limb). It is uncomfortable for me to look at or even think about someone with a missing limb. I feel sick right now writing this. My fear is specifically focused on my fingers although other amputations also make me feel weird. I feel bad that I can’t look at amputees or those with deformities without feeling revulsion, but it’s not something that I can control. It is a stupid and irrational fear, but it’s just part of me! The worst part is that I love horror films and guess what the easiest effect is to achieve? Yup, you guessed it – severed hands and fingers. I am not sure where this came from or why, but it’s here to stay!

  2. Surgery

    I have a strange fear of ever having to have surgery! This is unfortunate because I have to have my gallbladder removed. It isn’t that I am afraid of dying or anything like that I just don’t like the idea of someone having their hands poking around inside me! When I was pregnant I was terrified that I would need a caesarian. If there is one thing worse than someone poking around inside me it would be doing it when I was awake! Yuck! Again, no idea where it comes from it’s just something I don’t like the idea of!

  3. Moths

    This one I KNOW where it came from!! I was around 14 years old and worked in a local takeaway place. One night me and the owner’s son who was about 17 years old were messing around while unpacking the stock. He opened a box of something and a HUGE moth flew out. This thing was freakishly big, I swear it got imported with the spices. It was massive! Somehow Mani caught the moth as it came out of the box and called on me. I was was way in the back corner of the store room and it was kinda dark. I looked over my shoulder and he threw it directly into my face. I totally freaked out. I think it was just the feel of the wings fluttering at me in the dark. *shudder. So now, I hate moths!!

‘);